What to Do When Someone Dies: Practical Steps, Support and Remembrance

If someone close to you has died, we are sorry for your loss. This page sets out what needs doing, roughly in order, and where to find help with the rest: money, grief, children, and the loss of a baby. It is a set of signposts, not professional advice. The rules differ a little between England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland, and we say where.

First published January 2018. Last fact-checked: 14 October 2026 (every deadline, helpline number and link on this page).

What to do when someone dies

You do not need to do everything straight away. Start with the immediate arrangements, then work through the other steps as you are able. Some things have deadlines, and we say where.

1. If someone dies at home: if the death was expected and the person was receiving end-of-life care, contact their GP, district nurse or palliative care team on the number you have been given. Outside normal hours, NHS 111 can advise in England, Scotland and Wales; in Northern Ireland, contact the GP out-of-hours service. If the death was sudden or unexpected, or the person is unresponsive and you are not sure whether they have died, call 999 and follow the operator’s instructions. If the person dies in hospital, a hospice or a care home, the staff will explain the next steps.
2. Tell the people who need to know first: close family, and anyone who was expecting to see the person soon. There is no need to tell everyone at once.
3. Look for any wishes they left about their funeral or who should be told. These may be in a will, a letter, or with the funeral director if they had a pre-paid plan. If organ or tissue donation is possible, specialist NHS staff will raise it with the family; you do not need to search for a donor card first.
4. Wait for confirmation that you can register the death. In England and Wales a medical examiner reviews the cause of death and the register office tells you when you can book. If the death has been referred to a coroner, the coroner’s office will explain what happens next and registration may take longer.
5. Register the death. The deadline and the procedure depend on where the person died. In England and Wales you generally have 5 days after the medical examiner confirms you can register (weekends and bank holidays count). In Scotland, registration should normally happen within 8 days of the death. In Northern Ireland, within 5 days of the death. Involvement of a coroner, or in Scotland the procurator fiscal, can delay registration, and the registration service will explain what to do. Registering is free, although official copies of the death certificate cost extra, and you may need several for banks, pensions and insurers. Details: What to do after a death (GOV.UK), registering a death in Scotland and registering a death in Northern Ireland.
6. Use Tell Us Once. In England, Scotland and Wales the registrar gives you a reference number for Tell Us Once, which informs HMRC, the DWP, the DVLA, the Passport Office and the council in one go. Use it within 28 days. It does not cover banks, private pensions, insurers, utilities or employers, which you tell yourself. Tell Us Once is not available in Northern Ireland.
7. Arrange the funeral. You can use a funeral director or arrange the funeral yourself. If you use a funeral director, ask to see their standardised price list and compare costs before agreeing to anything; funeral directors are required to publish this information. You can ask for a written estimate of the full cost, including any third-party charges. If you are worried about paying, check what financial help may be available before committing to arrangements. Citizens Advice explains the choices in Arranging a funeral. Deaths abroad, deaths referred to a coroner and the death of a child can involve extra steps; GOV.UK’s What to do after a death covers each.
8. Tell the organisations Tell Us Once does not cover: banks and building societies, mortgage lender or landlord, private and workplace pensions, insurers, utilities, phone and broadband, TV Licensing, the GP and dentist, their employer, and subscriptions. Most have a bereavement team; one call each is usually enough to start with.
9. Check what financial support you can claim. The sections below cover help with funeral costs and Bereavement Support Payment.

It helps to have the person’s National Insurance number, date of birth, and any NHS, pension and policy numbers to hand, because most of these organisations will ask for them. Keep a note of who you have told and when; in the first weeks it is easy to lose track.

Help with the cost of a funeral and other money matters

A funeral can cost thousands of pounds, and the money can usually be paid from the person’s estate before anything else. Banks will often release funds to pay a funeral director’s invoice even before probate. If you are on a low income, there is help:

• Funeral Expenses Payment (England and Wales) helps if you get certain benefits, such as Universal Credit, Pension Credit or Housing Benefit, and you have a qualifying relationship with the person who died; the rules on who can claim are detailed, so check the official page. It pays some necessary costs such as burial or cremation fees, and up to £1,000 towards the rest. Claim within 6 months of the funeral, by phone on 0800 151 2012 or by post. Details and eligibility: Funeral Expenses Payment. Scotland has the Funeral Support Payment from Social Security Scotland, and Northern Ireland its own Funeral Expenses Payment.
• Children’s Funeral Fund for England covers specified burial or cremation fees for a child under 18, or a baby stillborn at or after 24 weeks, whatever the family’s income, plus up to £300 for a coffin; it does not cover every cost. The funeral director or the burial or cremation provider normally claims it, so you should not be charged those fees. Details: Support for child funeral costs. Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland have their own arrangements; ask the funeral director or the register office.
• Bereavement Support Payment is for people under State Pension age whose husband, wife or civil partner has died, and since 2023 for unmarried partners who were living together and had, or were expecting, a child. It is not means-tested. Claim within 3 months of the death to get the full amount; if more than 3 months have passed, do not assume you have missed out, because you may still be able to claim part of it, usually up to 21 months after the death. The rules have several conditions, so check Bereavement Support Payment rather than assume; the Bereavement Service helpline for England, Scotland and Wales is 0800 151 2012, and Northern Ireland has its own way to claim. If your partner died before 6 April 2017, the older Widowed Parent’s Allowance may still apply.

For wills, probate and what happens to the person’s money and property, Citizens Advice’s What to do after a death is a clear starting point.

Grief, and where to find support

There is no right way to grieve and no timetable for it. You may feel numb, exhausted, angry, guilty or relieved, sometimes all in the same afternoon, and you may feel very little for a while and then a great deal. Grief does not move through fixed stages, whatever older books say, and it is normal for it to come back around birthdays, anniversaries and ordinary Tuesdays. Eat when you can, sleep when you can, and let people help with the practical things.

If you are struggling to cope, you can speak to your GP at any time; you do not have to wait until things get worse. In England you may also be able to refer yourself directly to NHS talking therapies. If you ever feel you cannot keep yourself safe, call 999 or go to A&E.

People you can talk to, free of charge:

• Samaritans: 116 123, any time of day or night, from any phone. For anyone who is struggling, not only in a crisis. samaritans.org
• Cruse Bereavement Support: 0808 808 1677 for the national helpline, plus local one-to-one and group support in England, Wales and Northern Ireland. cruse.org.uk, and find support near you. In Scotland, Cruse Scotland is on 0808 802 6161, crusescotland.org.uk.
• Marie Curie Support Line: 0800 090 2309, for anyone affected by a terminal illness, including bereavement after one, whether or not Marie Curie was involved in the person’s care. mariecurie.org.uk
• The NHS has a plain guide to grief after bereavement or loss, including when to get help.
• AtaLoss keeps a UK-wide directory of bereavement services by area and type of loss. ataloss.org

You do not have to wait until things are bad to ring any of these. Many people call simply because they need to say it out loud to someone who is not involved.

Supporting a bereaved child

Children grieve differently from adults and differently from each other. A young child may ask the same question many times, or play happily an hour after crying; that is how children take in hard news, not a sign that they do not care. What helps most is honesty in plain words (“died”, not “gone to sleep” or “lost”), the chance to ask questions, and the ordinary routine of school and meals carrying on where it can. Children can be offered the chance to come to the funeral, rather than made to; tell them beforehand what will happen, in words for their age, and have a familiar adult with them who can take them out if they need it.

Child Bereavement UK (which has joined with Winston’s Wish) supports bereaved children and young people, and parents whose child has died: helpline 0800 02 888 40, Monday to Friday 8am to 8pm, with live chat and email at childbereavementuk.org. Schools can get guidance from the same charity, and it is worth telling the school early so they can look out for your child.

Miscarriage, stillbirth and the death of a baby

Losing a baby can be deeply distressing, whether it happens early in pregnancy, close to birth or shortly afterwards. People experience that loss differently, and there is no right way to feel or respond.

Miscarriage is the loss of a baby before 24 weeks. In England, parents can request a free, optional baby loss certificate for a loss before 24 weeks; it is a way of recognising your baby, not a legal registration document, and the conditions are set out on the official page: Request a baby loss certificate. Miscarriage UK (formerly the Miscarriage Association) runs a support line on 0303 003 6464 and has information on every kind of early loss: miscarriageuk.org. Tommy’s has midwives you can talk to about miscarriage support.

Stillbirth is when a baby is born at or after 24 completed weeks of pregnancy without signs of life. A stillbirth must be registered: within 42 days in England and Wales, 21 days in Scotland and a year in Northern Ireland. The hospital will explain how. Hospital staff can also explain the options available, which may include spending time with your baby, taking photographs or keeping small mementoes; these are personal decisions, and there is no pressure to choose any of them. Sands, the stillbirth and neonatal death charity, has a helpline on 0808 164 3332 and support for parents, grandparents and siblings: sands.org.uk. The funeral costs for a baby stillborn at or after 24 weeks, or a child who dies, are covered in England by the Children’s Funeral Fund (above).

Some parents find it helps to hear from others who have been through the same thing; Saying Goodbye holds remembrance services around the country for babies lost at any stage.

Helping someone who is grieving

If a friend or relative has lost someone, the most useful things are usually the plainest. Say that you are sorry and that you are thinking of them, in a card or a message; it does not need to be eloquent, and “I don’t know what to say” is an honest start. Then offer something specific rather than “let me know if there is anything I can do”: a meal on a named day, the school run, walking the dog, sitting with them while they make the phone calls. Keep offering in the weeks after the funeral, when the cards stop and the house goes quiet.

People sometimes ask what to send when someone has died. Flowers, a card and food are the traditional answers, and they are good ones. Some people also give a small keepsake, such as a memorial angel or a candle with the person’s name, and some families treasure these. Others would rather not have a physical reminder, especially early on, so think about the person you are giving to. There is no obligation to send a gift at all.

Remembering someone

Many families like to have something that keeps a person’s name in the house: a photograph in a frame, a candle lit on their birthday, a plant in the garden, a box with their letters and the order of service. There is no hurry over any of this. Some people want something for the funeral itself, others decide months later, and plenty never feel the need.

What to write on a memorial keepsake

If you do choose a plaque, candle, frame or ornament with words on it, it can be difficult to know what to write. A few that work: “In loving memory”, “Forever in our hearts”, “Always loved, never forgotten”, or simply the person’s name with their dates (“Margaret Ann Hughes, 1941 to 2026”). A longer message can be personal rather than poetic: “Dad, thank you for everything. We miss you every day.” or “For Grandma, who taught us all to bake.” Short is better than filling every line, and a nickname is fine if that is what you called them. If you are having something personalised, check the name and dates carefully before approving the wording.

Anniversaries, Christmas and weddings

Christmas and anniversaries can be particularly difficult for some people, and some families hang a decoration with the person’s name on the tree each year as a way of including them; for others, visible reminders are too much in the first year or two, and that is just as understandable. Couples sometimes remember a parent or grandparent at their wedding with a framed photograph, a reserved seat or a line in the order of service. Do what feels right for your family, and do not let anyone tell you it should be otherwise.

Pets

Losing a much-loved pet can be deeply upsetting too. We are writing a separate guide on the loss of a pet.

Memorial keepsakes from Born Gifted

Born Gifted also has a small collection of personalised memorial and remembrance gifts for those who are looking for a keepsake. There is no need to make that decision straight away.

Grief for an animal is grief too. If it is a pet you have lost, our guide to what to do when your pet dies covers the first hours, cremation and burial, and the free pet bereavement helplines.

Memorial and remembrance gifts →